I walked along the beach in the solitude of the sunset and felt that space within my heart open a thousand times more than it was already opened. Song burst from within my soul and the words of praise poured out of me effortlessly with an incredible outpour of gratitude. I felt blessed for being alive, I felt joy in receiving the love that God poured through me; I was intoxicated with the sounds of nature, the feel of the sand under my bare feet, the rays of the setting sun over the calm water; the sound of the geese flying south. I wanted to open my arms and hold it all within my arms and say “thank you” over and over to all that beauty that surrounded me. A beautiful peace settled in my soul and the tears streamed down my face for the pure joy I felt, for all the blessings I receive – not because I deserve them, but because of Grace.
As I travelled back home, I realized that a shift had happened in me over the last 30 years around the acts of giving and receiving. I feel that I am now able to receive more in my life without questioning whether I deserve it. As I thought more about it, I also came to the realization that I can also give without measuring my giving any longer. Out of the practice of giving of myself to life and allowing myself to be so vulnerable sometimes, my heart seemed to have opened bountifully. As I push my own boundaries of giving and being present to life, I realize that there is no shortage of anything at all. The lack only exist in our minds and it can only generate fear.
Whatever we give, in whatever measure we give it, is what our hearts are open to receive. Whether anyone knows about it or not, does not matter. It is stored in our physical and emotional bodies and this energy is what we give out to whoever comes in contact with us. This is why sometimes we can actually feel when someone has a closed or open heart without knowing anything about them.
I laugh at myself when I think of the journey I have been on with the act of giving and how my soul has grown! If I had to put it in an order, it would look something like this:
Level 1 – give because I am told it is the right thing to do ( no real heart connection)
Level 2 – give because I have an obligation to give back to society (no real heart connection)
Level 3 – give because if I do, I will likely get something back in return ( no heart connection)
Level 4 – give because if feels like the better thing to do – it makes me feel generous (no heart connection)
Level 5 – give because it actually feels good (heart connection starts)
Level 6 – give because I feel so blessed, I have so much; I am so excited to share; (heart connection is growing)
Level 7 – give and receive – I can’t even see the difference anymore. I am so excited to be in flow with this universe that this divine exchange of energy is happening all day long and I am just on a high from receiving so much that flows to me and giving it back out in abundance… there is no shortage! It is all abundance!!! (heart connection is so vibrant that you radiate with love)
Living at level 6 and 7 is extraordinary. It is the place where I experience miracles in my life and nothing makes much logical sense but everything falls in place perfectly.
I think back of the times I have lived with so much FEAR and SO AFRAID to give because I had no back-up plan to replenish what I was giving. There were those days where my love was so MEASURED because I needed to calculate the return on my investment and if I felt that I did not have enough, I could not give.
10 years ago, when I first arrived in Canada, I was BROKE!!! I mean really BROKE!!! No money, no back-up plan and no network of people to support me either! The one thing that kept me going in all this was reading books that uplifted my spirit and made me believe in possibilities. Somewhere in my readings, I read something which essentially said, “Give away whatever you are seeking.” For some reason, that stuck to my mind like a mantra. What was I seeking? In a new country, I needed so much – friends, money, clothes, a home, food, mental and emotional well-being… how can I give all that away? How can I give away what I do not have?
My internal voice said to me, “Start slow. Give away friendship – it cost nothing but paying attention to others who need you to extend yourself to them. Just talk to people. Find a way to reach out to others, get out of feeling sorry for yourself.”
Meeting one person led to meeting another person and led to meeting another person – before I knew it, I had a circle of the most amazing people around me, which no plan in life could have prepared me for. They were all earth angels (that is another blog) and they appeared in the most unusual ways. I spent time with the homeless people along Bank Street. I did not have money to do anything real for anyone but I could buy them coffee and have a conversation. This became a little routine in a particular area on Bank Street and some of them would recognize me from a distance and walk up to me. It is interesting, in fact that I have had a couple of homeless people buying me coffee because they wanted to give back my generosity and just have a conversation. There, in that process, I learnt about the tragedies that happen to people’s normal lives and how vulnerable we all are to life’s unpredictable circumstances with mental illness, divorce/separation, bankruptcy, theft, criminal activities… There I was myself completely vulnerable too!
One day, I had only a $10.00 bill left and there was a huge list of things that needed to be done with that$10.00 bill. However, as I walked along the street, this homeless man came up to me. One of my internal voices said “Give it all to him.” My other voice said “NO!!! That is all you have!!! You have things to do with that money!” I stood there staring at the man and completely confused with the two voices going on in my head. I took the $10.00 and gave it to him.
“Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.” he kept on repeating the words of thanks as he walked away from me quickly, maybe thinking I would change my mind. I was slowly coming to grips with what I had just done. The emotions of fear and joy got all entangled inside the pits of my stomach as I watched him walk away.
In that moment, another very well dressed man, with a three-piece suit, came up to me and said, “You have taught me something today, I will never forget. I saw you give this man $10.00. I am a preacher in a church and I have never thought of giving those guys on the street more than a dollar. You gave him $10.00! and you are a coloured woman! I have never seen that happen before. You gave him $10.00!!! Who are you?”
I don’t remember the rest of the conversation because my mind was so muddled giving away my last $10.00 and not knowing what I would do next. Whatever that the $10.00 needed to get, somehow all happened – here I am 10 years later writing about it and I am not any poorer!
Now I understand why the feeling of love and saying the words “I love you” to others comes out so easily from my mouth regardless of who I am speaking it to and why others say the same to me all the time, even when they don’t know me. Now I understand why I hug people without a reason and others hug me back when they don’t even know me. Now, I know why I am not afraid to give my last dollar to someone who needs it more than I do, because I know that the universe will never let me go without. Now I know for sure when you feel so much abundance within your soul, there is no other thing to do but to give it away – that which you were waiting for all along, is actually right inside of you!!
TuneIn today to receive what life is abundantly offering you! StepUp to give back to life – You have so much within you to give!
This blog is another one of those pieces where I feel so vulnerable writing from so deep within me, even when I try to hold back a bit! Sometimes, I feel that I need to say, while those experiences are about me, the intent of the message is to support our soul journeys by sharing those experiences. Through so many other authors, I slowly found my way back to wholeness (still in progress)… and this is an offering back to life to keep that flow and exchange going in the universe. Wherever you are, whatever the challenges you are facing – remember that there is a bigger universal energy supporting you. Just call on it – You will be perfectly fine. At the end of it all, LOVE is the only thing which really conquers – keep on loving!!!