The tipping point... when you realize you can't "fix" anyone!
" Last night,¬†my daughter took this photograph of¬† her brother as they played ¬†around with the camera. I look at his prayerful stance and can't help but love him but also laugh at the so many moments this kid has driven me crazy.¬† We are a bit similar in nature. Free-spirited, sees only the positive, does not take anything too seriously, lives life in the moment; does not see danger, does not plan a lot .... all this is good, but when you are a mother trying to manage a kid, ¬†this type of personality can be very challenging. (Now, I have a better appreciation for what my mother went through with me). Jelan¬†was about 16 years old and very, very unsettled at school, to my mind. ¬†In my attempt to solve the problem and ""fix"" him, I decided to take him to a psychologist.¬†¬†The cost of the visit was $150.00 for one hour and for my budget, it was a lot of money.¬† But hey - what wouldn't a mother do to save her child? ""Mom, save your money."" he said. ""There is nothing wrong with me."" he argued, Nothing would stop me.¬† We walked into the psychologists¬† office and¬†the psychologist ¬†asked us, ""So what is the problem?"" Jelan said, ""I don't have a problem.¬† There is nothing wrong with me."" The psychologist continued to dig deeper while Jelan¬†sat on the chair, completely disengaged; he ¬†held his face in his hand, slightly bent over and made no attempt to¬†respond to questions.¬† I struggled trying to explain the situation to the psychologist¬† so I could find a solution¬†to motivate the kid to do better in school. After an hour, the psychologist looked at me and said, ""Mom, you need help.¬† You need to find support for yourself¬† and maybe see a psychologist a few more times.¬† Jelan is fine.¬† He has to go through the ""University of Hard Knocks"" so that he can learn and find his way through life."" I was completely baffled.¬† I needed help?¬† I came here to get help for Jelan!!! Jelan¬†looked at me with a smirk on his face.¬† I was furious.¬† I had¬†just spent $150.00 to be told that I had a problem. Jelan was still NOT FIXED!!! Jelan¬†and I walked out of the door and as we hit the sidewalk, we both started to laugh.¬† I realized the absurdity of the situation, $150.00 less and an ""unfixed"" child.¬† I laughed until the tears rolled down my face and he said, ""See I told you that you did not have to pay $150.!¬† I am fine!"" Across the street was a Gelato store.¬† He teasingly said, ""You just paid $150.00 for one hour to see this psychologist.¬† It should not be too expensive to get me a gelato... it is only $5!.""¬† We both laughed some more.¬† While we were having the gelato, he said, ""It looks cool to be a psychologist.¬† You just need to sit there and listen and let the people solve their own problems!""¬† Jelan¬†is 18 years old now, studying Media and Communications at College.¬† I learnt to let go of him and trust that life would guide him.¬† I had to trust that his soul would¬†grow and learn to fulfill¬†his mission here.¬†Indeed he has gone through some hard knocks but I am glad that I allowed him to crash¬†when he needed to¬†because altogether, it has helped him become more aware of himself and make better¬† choices in life.¬† Sometimes we try to protect our children but we have to keep in mind that¬† each one of us have an individual journey and we can't protect them from everything. That experience ¬†gave me a new perspective¬†on how to ¬†deal with situations in my life. I reached the tipping point where I realized that I don't have to fix anything or anyone.¬† I only need to fix my response¬†to situations and people.¬† That is the only thing I can control.¬†No one can fix us.¬† We can step up to make changes for our lives but the only way real change will happen, is when the change is intrinsically motivated.¬† The psychologist was right - I needed help to cope and I got it - in fact still get it - from my wonderful friends who are great listeners. Join us for a TuneIn¬†and StepUp Challenge in 2014!¬† We are looking for participants worldwide! http://tuneinandstepup2013.wordpress.com/signup-for-a-tunein-and-stepup-challenge-2014/ Love, Magdalene"