Claim Your Magnificence

This beauty greeted me in the garden this morning. It is one of my favourite flowers. I fell in love with it when I first saw it in the store and could not leave the store without it. It was the most beautiful and largest hibiscus flower which I had seen compared to other hibiscus flowers. It presence says; “Look at me! I am magnificent!” Each summer, I look forward to those beautiful blooms and I have the same reaction each time: “You are so magnificent!”

The hibiscus does not need seek any kind of reassurance from us to claim it’s divine beauty. It survives the winter and takes about four months after spring to bloom. It shows it’s magnificence by simply being itself. Those who have eyes for such beauty will find it and embrace it. Others may pass by unaware of it’s presence. Their lack of interest in it’s magnificence does not take away from it’s beauty or presence.

As individuals, we are all blessed with our unique gifts and talents. We all have a special space in this great universe. We were all created with a purpose. However, sometimes we get discouraged when we don’t feel appreciated, loved and acknowledged by others. It is important for us to claim our magnificence every day and be like the hibiscus. “Look at me! I am magnificent!” If you believe this of yourself, then others will believe it too. Do not let someone else’s approval determine your magnificence. YOU are magnificent. Claim it.

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Love,

Mags

Are you being treated as a door mat?

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“I feel overworked most of the time. I need to find a strategy to make my supervisor realize that I am not a doormat.” Sheila said quietly.

By that she meant the everything was being dumped on her – she had become a welcome place for all types of problems. She did not know how to say NO and could never prioritize. She felt undervalued and “taken advantage of”. She could feel the mental and emotional toll it had taken on her over the last year.

In my 20+ years of managing programs/people plus what research shows, this type of feeling from a staff manifest itself in various forms which can create hostile work environments. It is manifested in passive-agressive behaviours, low performance, constant “unspoken” battles, resentment, gossip, and lots of frustration. I have allowed others to treat me as a door mat and I learnt how to be more self-assertive. I coach people to discuss it instead of avoiding it because the problem is not just about you being treated like a door mat in the work environment. You are probably being treated as a door mat in your other relationships as well and most of it stems from a need to please others and to be liked. You can’t change your manager or team but you can take ownership for the situation and approach it sensitively.

Note that there is a difference between working hard and being treated as a door mat. Hard work which is aligned with your belief system fuels you to excel even greater!

Here is one approach that you can use if you feel overworked and feel treated as a door mat.

Try this:

Have a conversation with your manager about setting a list of priorities for a week/month/year. Be calm, smile through the conversation and go prepared with a list of items that are already on your plate. At the end of your discussion, type it up, share it with your manager and put it where you can see it to keep you focused.

Try this script: (Use the word “I” and NOT “YOU”)

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“I feel  bit overworked over the last few months and my objective is to reduce my stress level so I can work more efficiently. I would like to work with you to help me identify our priorities over the next little while, so that I can be more effective with how I use my time and support you in meeting our team goals.”

By using this strategy, you are taking ownership. You demonstrate professionalism and can measure your progress based on your priorities. If new tasks pop up, you can negotiate what to give priority to, seek support from your manager in re-assigning some of your tasks and be in charge of your workload. You will gain respect and feel that you are taking control of the situation and not the situation controlling you. You can also take some other courses in self-assertiveness or try a sports program like kick boxing that help you bring out the assertive side of you.

TuneIn to what you have control over and have the courage to Stepup to create a good work/life balance. The first time you do this will be hard but eventually, you will master it and it will become second nature to you.

Love,
Magdalene