Are you letting ‘comfortable sadness’ feel like ‘happiness’?

Another day on the couch.

A promise that I will ‘start again’ tomorrow.

A unreturned phone call or email.

A ‘stop bothering me’ attitude.

A blanked out mind.

A blurred day at work.

An empty feeling lying in bed.

Another drink.

Another slice of cake.

Another tantrum.

No visitors.

No place to visit.

No invitations.

A day goes by. A week goes by. A month goes by. Three months go by. Six Months go by. One year goes by. Five years go by. A decade goes by.

A lifetime vanishes.

Sometimes, one event happens in our lives that seem to throw us off our equilibrium.  A feeling of rejection, the loss of a job, the unruly child, the ungrateful friend, squabbling parents, the unattained dream, the loss of loved ones, the guilt of living after loss, a financial crisis… the list can go on.

Shutting the door to the world and ‘being alone’ behind closed doors, in our own bubbles, seem to even protect us. This is the furthest from truth as it could get. Human beings happiness comes from being of service, being useful and supporting life. Without this ‘contributing energy’, it is easy for us to feel purposeless.

The system seem to wear us down and a fog settles over us, like a comfortable blanket.

As my son Jelan, once said to me, “Comfortable sadness can almost feel like happiness.”

He was about 18 at the time, but has always been quite a reflective, out of the box thinker. Our conversation that morning hinged on how we ‘see’ life from our various perspectives, drawing specific reference to the vision which a giraffe has of the world is different when compared to a turtle. Our conclusion was that a person’s vision is unique to them – they can only see as far as their unique level.

The conversation expanded to our general disposition in life and how we perceive others and how others may also perceive us. He said something which left quite an impact on my mind:

“Comfortable sadness can almost feel like happiness.”

How profound. How true.

It made me realize that sometimes we hold on to sadness or any other broken emotion,  because it is comfortable and easier to live with. To step away from that feeling will require greater effort from us… and why bother?

We perhaps don’t know what it is like to be happy or may have even decided that we don’t deserve to be happy. Sometimes, we repeat our unhappy stories until we make them become ‘how’ our lives should be. Even when opportunities to be happy are begging us to join in the vibrancy of happiness, it is more comfortable to remain in our sadness. Sadness can even become a way of life and eventually defines our personalities, our lives and even the relationships which we share with others.

it is important to fight back to claim our rightful spaces on this earth because we were all born to contribute something meaningful to Mother Earth.  I admire Jelan’s optimistic nature and how he explores his life from all angles to engage in living a fun, happy and fulfilled life.

You can change this comfortable sadness to a conscious decision to be happy.

Do one small thing for someone else.

Start a conversation.

Make a phone call.

Go for that walk.

Read a good book.

Smile.

Look for a ways to connect with real people.

I believe that each time the universe feels our happiness, there is a global shift in human consciousness towards greater love, compassion and kindness… and even with one single breath of happiness… the entire world beams.

I believe that sadness does the same thing… every single moment of sadness, also creates a global shift in human consciousness towards greater despair and fear.

It is  O.K. to be sad but don’t let sad moments turn into a lifetime of sadness.

It is O.K. to be happy. Multiply your happy moments over and over again.

Affirmations for the day:

I am happy.

I choose happiness as my way of life.

I embrace laughter, joy, fun… as much as I can… as I push beyond my boundaries

I am so delighted with all the wonderful people, great opportunities, amazing places and beautiful moments which this world is blessing me with every day.

Being happy is a decision.

Getting up from the couch is a decision.

Making that phone call is a decision.

Let us make some good decisions and live joyfully… it is our birthright.  Don’t let comfortable sadness deny you of a happy, fulfilled life.

Love,

Mags

“I wonder if it is that emptiness which swallows our spirit for living?”

218a95fa-f347-470b-8496-0de93e89ca27 They spoke for three hours. Something was weighing on his mind. He was devastated by the number of suicides which he had experienced within his community over the last couple of years.  As they shared their experiences, they both realized that between the two of them, they knew of almost twenty people who had committed suicide.

“What makes them do it?” he asked her.

“I don’t know.” she replied.

“Sometimes I think that we have not learnt how to experience emptiness within us.  There are two types of emptiness – one which last for a short period and one which last for a long period which leaves a feeling of hopelessness within.  Both are normal and both should be seen as healthy but sometimes people can’t cope with that feeling of emptiness.” He answered quietly.

They explored the topic from all angles – from people who have everything and seem to have no clear reason to commit suicide, to people who were stressed by financial, emotional or social challenges…but still, at the end of the conversation, he did not have an answer to justify the deliberate end of a life.

“If you had a serious problem, like debt or you had committed a crime or had been in a situation which made you feel ashamed, who would you go to?” she asked.

He bent his head and got in a pensive mood. “I have no one who could support me if I was in a serious crisis.  No one has time and neither do they have the resources to support someone else.  We are all busy trying to hold our own stuff together.” he replied.

The conversation left a heavy feeling in the air. His body shifted uncomfortably. As she looked closer at him, she saw the sadness in his eyes.  She suddenly became alerted to the unspoken message within the room.  He was close to the edge himself. As he pondered on the grief of others, his own grief of trying to hold it together for so long by himself was beginning to crumble. The tears welled in his eyes and as they streamed down his face. His sobbing was unstoppable. “I am sorry.” he apologized between the sheets of tissue. “It is so hard to keep it all in sometimes.  Just having anyone to listen to relieve the emptiness is so important. I don’t have a problem which I can name.  I have an emptiness in me which seems to be going on forever.  I wonder if it is that emptiness which swallows our spirit for living?”

We often think that problems need a diagnosis.  Maybe most do.  But what if it is just this nagging feeling that won’t go away?  What if the only way to get through it, is to talk long enough?  What if the problem may never be fixed? Depression, anxiety, post traumatic stress, stress, inability to cope with life, cannot always be seen on someone’s face. We may not have the answer to why someone commits suicide and there are some things which we may never understand in this lifetime.

My simple explanation is that it is simply their exit point from this lifetime. However, don’t underestimate the power of a conversation today! You may just be that lifeline to someone.  Also, don’t forget to seek support when that feeling of emptiness seems to be taking away your spirit for living fully.

Love,

Magdalene