Are you letting ‘comfortable sadness’ feel like ‘happiness’?

Another day on the couch.

A promise that I will ‘start again’ tomorrow.

A unreturned phone call or email.

A ‘stop bothering me’ attitude.

A blanked out mind.

A blurred day at work.

An empty feeling lying in bed.

Another drink.

Another slice of cake.

Another tantrum.

No visitors.

No place to visit.

No invitations.

A day goes by. A week goes by. A month goes by. Three months go by. Six Months go by. One year goes by. Five years go by. A decade goes by.

A lifetime vanishes.

Sometimes, one event happens in our lives that seem to throw us off our equilibrium.  A feeling of rejection, the loss of a job, the unruly child, the ungrateful friend, squabbling parents, the unattained dream, the loss of loved ones, the guilt of living after loss, a financial crisis… the list can go on.

Shutting the door to the world and ‘being alone’ behind closed doors, in our own bubbles, seem to even protect us. This is the furthest from truth as it could get. Human beings happiness comes from being of service, being useful and supporting life. Without this ‘contributing energy’, it is easy for us to feel purposeless.

The system seem to wear us down and a fog settles over us, like a comfortable blanket.

As my son Jelan, once said to me, “Comfortable sadness can almost feel like happiness.”

He was about 18 at the time, but has always been quite a reflective, out of the box thinker. Our conversation that morning hinged on how we ‘see’ life from our various perspectives, drawing specific reference to the vision which a giraffe has of the world is different when compared to a turtle. Our conclusion was that a person’s vision is unique to them – they can only see as far as their unique level.

The conversation expanded to our general disposition in life and how we perceive others and how others may also perceive us. He said something which left quite an impact on my mind:

“Comfortable sadness can almost feel like happiness.”

How profound. How true.

It made me realize that sometimes we hold on to sadness or any other broken emotion,  because it is comfortable and easier to live with. To step away from that feeling will require greater effort from us… and why bother?

We perhaps don’t know what it is like to be happy or may have even decided that we don’t deserve to be happy. Sometimes, we repeat our unhappy stories until we make them become ‘how’ our lives should be. Even when opportunities to be happy are begging us to join in the vibrancy of happiness, it is more comfortable to remain in our sadness. Sadness can even become a way of life and eventually defines our personalities, our lives and even the relationships which we share with others.

it is important to fight back to claim our rightful spaces on this earth because we were all born to contribute something meaningful to Mother Earth.  I admire Jelan’s optimistic nature and how he explores his life from all angles to engage in living a fun, happy and fulfilled life.

You can change this comfortable sadness to a conscious decision to be happy.

Do one small thing for someone else.

Start a conversation.

Make a phone call.

Go for that walk.

Read a good book.

Smile.

Look for a ways to connect with real people.

I believe that each time the universe feels our happiness, there is a global shift in human consciousness towards greater love, compassion and kindness… and even with one single breath of happiness… the entire world beams.

I believe that sadness does the same thing… every single moment of sadness, also creates a global shift in human consciousness towards greater despair and fear.

It is  O.K. to be sad but don’t let sad moments turn into a lifetime of sadness.

It is O.K. to be happy. Multiply your happy moments over and over again.

Affirmations for the day:

I am happy.

I choose happiness as my way of life.

I embrace laughter, joy, fun… as much as I can… as I push beyond my boundaries

I am so delighted with all the wonderful people, great opportunities, amazing places and beautiful moments which this world is blessing me with every day.

Being happy is a decision.

Getting up from the couch is a decision.

Making that phone call is a decision.

Let us make some good decisions and live joyfully… it is our birthright.  Don’t let comfortable sadness deny you of a happy, fulfilled life.

Love,

Mags

Live your Dreams and Silence your Fears

Live your DREAMS

Pull your dreams from the boxes, baskets and drawers.
Lift them from the endless journals and thoughts that make you feel dizzy when you think of the possibilities.
Let go of the people who bury you and your dreams alive.
Stand tall and give yourself permission to capture your dreams.
Breathe.  Breathe some more.  YES! You can do it.
Leap into action.
Get ahead of the game.
Let us make 2016 the year of living our dreams and silencing our fears.
Your dreams are so worth fighting for.
Come and be inspired on December 18th for Inspiration 2016!
Love,
Magdalene

How does a girl grow up and not believe that she is beautiful?

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It took me 40 years to believe that I am a beautiful woman inside-out! Even writing the words makes me shake my head.

How does a girl grow up and not know that she is beautiful? In my case, it was simple. It was not said by the two people who were the most important figures in my life – my parents and in particular my mom. Sometimes I wonder if she was afraid of telling me that I am beautiful for fear of promiscuity or  that it would have made me feel too important. I am sure that she never told my sisters that they were beautiful either! Who knows?  Today, I wonder whether she thought that she was a beautiful woman or whether her mom ever told her that she  was beautiful.  One of my life regrets is that I never told her that she was beautiful.

However, I must say here that thankfully, my parents and family made me believe that I was bright which gave me confidence in a different way! (Another blog)

As a teenager, I listened in on a conversation by an important male.  I will never forget his words. “I will never marry a beautiful woman because a beautiful woman is every man’s woman.” Unknowingly to him, he instantly created a fear in me for being beautiful.  Subconsciously, my brain registered, “To be beautiful, means I will be the kind of woman who will be every man’s woman!”  004

Looking back, I can see how I subconsciously hid my beauty. I wore baggy clothes. I did not care about going to the hairdresser or getting my nails done or buying clothes that would make me pretty or beautiful.  Growing up with three older sisters did not help much because  I got most of their used clothing which made me also feel that ‘hand downs’ were the clothes for me.  Even when I had my own money to shop, I never felt deserving of beautiful clothes.

Men told me that  I was beautiful  all the time. Inside of me laughed at them and at myself. Me? Beautiful? I did not believe it. You may find this funny and strange but it is not. Looking back,  I even chose men who would not focus on my beauty and I let go of the ones who genuinely believed I was beautiful because I was so afraid of being beautiful.  It is funny what those subconscious messages do to our lives!

I look back at some of my photos and think, “She is a beautiful girl.” How could  I have not felt beautiful?  It is sad that during the years when  I should have embraced this beautiful girl, were the years I pushed her away as much as I could.

When I turned 40,  I did a photo-shoot.  Believe it or not, it was that year after much work on my self esteem that I looked into the mirror and truly believed that I am a beautiful woman – inside-out. The photographer said to me, “You are naturally good at this. I am enjoying photographing you.” That was the day my beauty, self-esteem and self-confidence came all together.  It has taken over a decade to subconsciously make that shift.

My message to all of you who are reading this:

– It is important for us to verbally affirm to our girls / daughters how beautiful they are inside-out.

– It is important for our boys / men to tell the women in their lives how beautiful they are without making it a sexual overture.

– It is important for women to tell other women how beautiful they are.

Believing in our beauty inside-out empowers us to step out into the world with self-confidence.  It is this level of self-confidence that will help more of our women step out into brilliant careers, become business women and set the world lighting with ideas and innovation –  in all of our various forms of beauty. Self-confidence is the key to success.

Love,

Magdalene